One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
