i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
