dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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