hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
