What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
