omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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