We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
