i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize