Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
