were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize