for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
