i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
