wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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