Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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