and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
