You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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