is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize