he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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