dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize