Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
