why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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