yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
