Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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