What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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