I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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