we're chasing vodka with high fives
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
