The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
