i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
