remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
