mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
