the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
