He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
