My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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