he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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