Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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