i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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