so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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