pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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