I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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