It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
