You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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