why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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