just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
