stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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