TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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