Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
