can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
