I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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