I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
