Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
