If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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