dude i'm inner monologue high
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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