I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize