I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
