I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
