I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
