if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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