remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
