They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
