I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
