is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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