Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
