marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
