Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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