So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize