i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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