i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
