as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
