she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
