Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
