peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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