Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
