its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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