Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
